Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I just read my dear friend Caroline's latest post over at Pocket Change. Apparently, her husband was subjected to a breastfeeding expose. Miss Show-em-off, as Caroline calls her, was actually leaning over her shopping cart to nurse! Well I never! Anywho, Caro wrote a scathing yet humorous note to Miss Show-em-off in order to "express" her emotions, so to speak. In honor of my dear friend and her embarrassed hubby, I would like to add on to her letter.

P.S.- Miss Show-em-off,

I'm not sure where you thought you were. You don't just lift up your shirt in public...unless you're at Mardi Gras. And then, and only then, would said nudity be rewarded with plastic beads. We normally don't reward people for the same behavior when in a bank. Perhaps if you were dealing with a pervy bank teller, you might have recieved a sugar free lollipop from the basket behind the counter. That was not the case in this situation. But I digress.

Now, there are only two possible explanations here. A) You were raised in a barn, and your only examples were cows and goats. B) You were raised in a barn, and you want some attention from a man.

Let me be clear. There is not a man on earth that wants to see a pair of stretched out saggy milk bags with a whiny child attached to the end. Probably not your baby's daddy, and DEFinitely not a kindly bank manager. Nursed on boobies are not attractive, they're just not. I have a pair, so I should know.

I mean, have you never heard of a Hooter Hider? Let me implore you, please, get to the internet right away and order one. Even a two year old can be partially concealed under this little miracle. Just in case you get confused, here is a reference picture:

For nipples' sake, I will even mail you mine. Just send me the address. Now, for my final plea: reach down to your belly button and grab the end of the aforementioned boob. Now roll it up and tuck it into your nursing bra. And here's the most important part...KEEP IT THERE WHENEVER YOU ARE IN PUBLIC UNLESS YOU ARE COVERED LIKE THE LADY PICTURED ABOVE.

Best regards,
Mrs. Noonzie


Caroline said...

Hopefully after my letter and now yours, she'll get the point. Thanks for having my back girl!

Amanda said...

You are hysterical! I miss you.

emily said...

Peek-A-Boob...HA! Mabye they can post the letter and your PS on the automatic doors of the store. Or at least at the bank.

Congrats on starting a blog! Welcome to the fun...

Jen - Balancing beauty and bedlam said...

Found you through Caroline's shout out...welcome to this blog's a blast, but set the timer. :)

Sarah said...

I don't know you, but I keep up through your blog. Caroline is one of my great friend's! This is an hillarious addition to Caroline's letter!