No time to say hello, goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! I am super busy with Thanksgiving preparations. After all, it takes a lot of effort to slide a jiggly cylinder of cranberry sauce out of that little can. But here is a cute pose from Alice in Wonderland and the White Rabbit for now.
I just read my dear friend Caroline's latest post over at Pocket Change. Apparently, her husband was subjected to a breastfeeding expose. Miss Show-em-off, as Caroline calls her, was actually leaning over her shopping cart to nurse! Well I never! Anywho, Caro wrote a scathing yet humorous note to Miss Show-em-off in order to "express" her emotions, so to speak. In honor of my dear friend and her embarrassed hubby, I would like to add on to her letter.
P.S.- Miss Show-em-off,
I'm not sure where you thought you were. You don't just lift up your shirt in public...unless you're at Mardi Gras. And then, and only then, would said nudity be rewarded with plastic beads. We normally don't reward people for the same behavior when in a bank. Perhaps if you were dealing with a pervy bank teller, you might have recieved a sugar free lollipop from the basket behind the counter. That was not the case in this situation. But I digress.
Now, there are only two possible explanations here. A) You were raised in a barn, and your only examples were cows and goats. B) You were raised in a barn, and you want some attention from a man.
Let me be clear. There is not a man on earth that wants to see a pair of stretched out saggy milk bags with a whiny child attached to the end. Probably not your baby's daddy, and DEFinitely not a kindly bank manager. Nursed on boobies are not attractive, they're just not. I have a pair, so I should know.
I mean, have you never heard of a Hooter Hider? Let me implore you, please, get to the internet right away and order one. Even a two year old can be partially concealed under this little miracle. Just in case you get confused, here is a reference picture:
For nipples' sake, I will even mail you mine. Just send me the address. Now, for my final plea: reach down to your belly button and grab the end of the aforementioned boob. Now roll it up and tuck it into your nursing bra. And here's the most important part...KEEP IT THERE WHENEVER YOU ARE IN PUBLIC UNLESS YOU ARE COVERED LIKE THE LADY PICTURED ABOVE.
Have any of you ever been intimidated by the thought of making one of these?
Many of you may be thinking, "What a dolt, its only a quesadilla". Well, I'm sorry, but I'm just untalented like that, and I don't want an over salted one from Taco Bell. I want a yummy fresh homemade one with fresh veggies in it. Anyway, Kendra over at Ten Minutes to Digest taught me how to make one with an awesome video. If you watch this, you will be an instant expert.I mean, if I went and applied for a job at Coronas, they would totally hire me on the spot. My quesadilla was so hot, fresh, and yummy. And I made it entirely with stuff I already had in the fridge.
Calling all haters at Pocket Change. I have officially started a blog, so stop your whinin’! That’s right, I said whinin’…sans the ‘g’. Why? Because I’m from South Carolina (that’s South Cackalacky to you fellow sandlappers), and we tend to remove key letters from words. Yep, it’s part of our charm. Have ya’ll ever visited here? Bless your heart, you get here as quick as you can, and I’ll have sweet tea and peach cobbler waiting for you on my front porch.
(Please join me for a moment of silence as we thank God for the scrumptiousness that is peach cobbler. Also, a shout out to Great Aunt Dot for the recipe.)
Caroline and Nan, I look forward to hanging out with you in the blog world. And to all you other girls, you’ve also inspired me to get off my lazy hind parts and start a blog. Caro, Nan, Nester, Emily, Heather, Kendra, Brin, June, Suzanne, & Mr. Noonzie…I can’t wait to see what you have in store. As for me, I’ll just try to keep up.
